Still Somebody

Some spiritual advisors/leaders/etc. admonish people to live in the “now,” which can be helpful. However, people with Alzheimer’s are living in the “now” all right, but it’s a miserable “now.” It occurs to me that without our memories, without our past, without the integration of our past into the present, there really is no “now” in which to truly LIVE. Bob’s “now” contains no way to know where he is, no way to recall most of his life’s events and accomplishments, no way to remember a lot of the people that he would most surely want to remember and be in touch with if he could. He has lost himself in the most fundamental way. All of the advice out there about how to live one’s live flies out the window when AD enters the picture. Bob had a beautiful life; I wish he could remember it.

About three weeks ago, almost all of Bob’s anxiety and paranoia suddenly lifted and has been minimal to non-existent ever since. His anxiety had started three years ago this month and had been severe most of the time since its inception. Because the anxiety and paranoia have greatly diminished, I’ve been able to dramatically reduce the dosage of the pills he takes for anxiety and paranoia (and hallucinations) and eliminate another one entirely. He still sleeps/naps a lot, but seems more relaxed now that he’s far less anxious. In the evenings, he often still has a little bit of anxiety and sometimes some paranoia, which is common among people with AD. It’s called “Sundowning” when it occurs in the evening.