Going Away?
Yesterday afternoon as I sat at the computer writing an e-mail, Bob came into the room and asked, “Are you going away?”
I assured him that, no, I was not going away.
Then he said, “I’m here for you,” which at first seemed an odd response.
I asked if he was worried I might go away.
“Yes,” he said.”
Again I assured him that I would be with him. “I’m sticking with you,” I said.
How scary it must be to think that the one person upon whom you most depend might go away from you. He has become the little child who wants to make sure he’s not abandoned. Somehow he knows he can’t cope on his own anymore, that he will never be able to do so again.
“Are you going away?” is the same as “Don’t leave me.”
“I’m here for you,” is the same as “Be here for me.”
Of course I won’t leave you. Of course I’ll be here for you.
Alzheimer’s … it breaks your heart and warms your heart in one fell swoop.
It is scary. Reading this reminded me of how I felt watching my grandparents grapple with Alzheimers and other things that go with aging. I depended on them. They depended on each other. Had to learn to depend on others too. The best reassurance was the being there. Only wish there’d been a bit more of that for them from our family.
Thank you, Terry, for your comment. So you know firsthand what it’s like for someone to go through AD. It’s one tough road, that’s for sure. We don’t have any family members living close enough to help, but we do have help from hospice and some friends, thank goodness.
You’re a brave, loving woman to stand by your husband. Your blog is inspirational. I may not have any experience with AD, but I know a true heart when I see one. I hope he has more clear days ahead.
Thank you, kloh, for your caring comments. I don’t know how brave I am — just doing what has to be done. Bob will have some clear times and increasing foggy times. Just have to take it one day at a time (a worn-out cliche, but true nonetheless). I’m not a perfect caregiver, that’s for sure, but so far I think he’s better off with me than in a nursing home.